The use of a "rival" in literature is a common theme. A lot of the time, a strong rival inspires the protagonist to become better, and does so for the rival as well; they both feed off of being competitive with one another. Thus, a good rivalry is good for the rivals (more on that, and when it is bad, below).

A good rival isn’t an enemy, though – it’s about competing for a shared goal, not about destroying the rival. It can be coworkers competing for the same promotions. Or athletes competing for the same championships. Or political parties deliberating the best way to serve their people. A good rival doesn’t have to be a friend either – it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement between parties based on competition.

“Competition,” though, is a loaded term. For some, it’s a dirty word. For others, it’s the driving force in life. Competition, though, is inherently meaningless on its own. Its value depends entirely on how it is used. Thus, competition is good or bad depending on the situation. In a good rivalry, competition is good. It motivates. It inspires. It pushes people towards greatness. The energy created in a good rivalry helps us focus our efforts and fosters rewards, whether in personal development or material gains.

However, what about the dirty version of competition? What happens when it becomes corrupt? What happens when it becomes a trial by fire? In these extremist circumstances, it means that a few people may thrive and achieve greatness. But many others are destroyed along the way. Think of a corporate environment where failure to receive a promotion means getting fired and replaced by someone new, who will then be used until they burn out and are replaced in turn. A select few, thus, are lauded for their greatness at having survived the corporate ladder, while many others are discarded and “used as components” rather than treated as people.

This type of a negative competitive environment creates toxic and destructive rivalries. But bad rivalries are also created when one or more parties have the goal of destroying the other, as well as by weak or insipid rivals. Thus, a bad rivalry is based on:

An environment that fosters win-lose competition,
A rival with a win-lose goal/objective, and/or
A rival that is weak or incompetent.

Bad rivalries, at best, are mediocre at creating value, and outright destructive at worst. While a good rivalry can inspire both parties to become better people and do better jobs, a toxic (bad) rivalry does the opposite. A weak rival may fail to inspire the best in another, while an incompetent one might accidentally destroy value – remember the adage, “what one should really fear is not a competent enemy, but an incompetent ally.” Furthermore, while a bad rivalry (based on win-lose rather than incompetence) can still inspire people to action and to become great, the act of one rival “winning” means the other rival “loses” (and sometimes with catastrophic results). Think of coworkers fighting each other to keep their jobs during layoffs. Or armies fighting to conquer others. Or politicians bent on defeating other politicians rather than serving their constituents.

How Rivalry Fits into Negotiations

In negotiations, rivalry is best exemplified by the competitive style. A good rivalry in negotiation is two or more parties of competitive negotiators fighting for their share of a pie that everyone can eat. Some may win more than others at times, but everyone is winning something, and usually winning enough that they can feel happy with the negotiated outcome.

A good rivalry in negotiations can also take place in problem-solving/cooperative styles, too. In fact, I would say it might be just as important to “be a good rival” in a cooperative negotiation, because it means you push yourself, and the other parties, to expand the zone of possible agreement (ZOPA) and avoid leaving potential benefits behind on the negotiating table. By being a good rival, you can avoid being lazy in situations where being lazy might seem tempting.

When a bad rivalry happens in negotiations, it is often because:

A zero-sum or win-lose situation is present,
A negotiating party has win-lose objectives (is greedy and wants everything; takes as much as possible and gives as little as possible, if anything, to other parties; or actively wants to harm other parties), and/or
A negotiating party is unprepared, inept, poorly represented, etc.

Now, we can’t always avoid bad rivalries, and it’s unrealistic to assume we can always foster good rivalries. Life is rife with situations that foster such negative interactions. The important thing is to recognize bad rivalries and to prepare for how to resolve them. Fortunately, negotiating theory addresses these topics directly, such as:

When should I negotiate cooperatively vs. competitively?
How do I shift a competitive negotiator into a cooperative/problem-solving style of negotiation?
Should I even be negotiating in the first place, and what conflict resolution process should I be using?

(For more on this, check out my article, “Negotiation: Three Questions You Must Ask”)

Parting Words

A good rival is someone you can (sometimes begrudgingly) treasure. They energize you. They push you. They help you push yourself. You can even be your own good rival, setting bars for success that are high, but also achievable. It’s important to recognize when you are in a good rivalry and take advantage of it. But it’s also important to recognize bad rivalries (and because of loss-aversion, some might find it even more important to prioritize identifying bad rivalries).

Most important of all, though: always keep in mind how/if your rivalries are helping you achieve your goals. Perhaps you’re enduring a trial by fire right now and will come out stronger in the end. Or perhaps you’ve been missing out on some friendly competition that might just be the extra nudge you need. Or perhaps you don’t need a good rivalry at all. Everyone responds to external stimuli differently, so make sure you know what you need in order to succeed at what you want.

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